Queen Victoria’s Little Wars, Darkest Africa, In the Heart of Africa, 28mm

Regular readers of this website will know by now that my wargaming friend Colin Jack rarely puts on sensible games. While others field Seven Years War Prussians or Napoleonic French, Colin delights in the obscure, the colourful and the downright ridiculous. This week’s game was no exception. The premise was that after several forgotten centuries, word of the Lost City of Zimpoopoo had reached the outside world. It was – apparently – founded by the Ancient Egyptians, but had been abandoned, leaving its ruins to be guarded by the ancestors of the original Egyptian priests who rules there.Four national factions – British, German, French and Italian – all sent expeditions into the African jungle to find the lost city, and to claim it for themselves. To spice the game up, they all arrived there at the same time. The scene was set for a bizarre game, where the rivals fought each other, as well as local African tribesmen, and the post-Egyptian priests.The British reached the city first, and promptly gunned down the handful of priestly types who tried to bar their way. The city – what was left of it – was split on either bank of a river. The bridge spanning it had long since crumbled away, but the rubble made a handy ford, allowing the explorers to move from one bank to the other. In the end nobody made it across the stream, as a firefight developed between the British and the other contingents as they arrived on the scene. The Germans fought off a spirited charge by native tribesmen, and then fired on the French, who not unreasonably fired back. Meanwhile the Italians were having a tough time of it, as first they were charged by a group of pygmies, and then fired at by natives manning a captured machine gun. The Italian player had barely dealt with that little problem when they found themselves attacked by a group of fearsome warriors. As a result the Italians never made it to the city, and were reduced to some long-range sniping against the British askaris holding one half of the lost city.On the far bank the French reached the rest of the city first, and became embroiled in an unseemly melee with the defending priests and their families. Eventually the French Dahomey allies won the day, only to be ejected from half of the ruins by a small contingent of German marines. The Dahomey troops launched a charge against the marines, supported by the fire of French sailors, but the attackers were promptly gunned down. The British hadn’t been idle, and had dealt with a screen of German askaris, but both sides had lost their prized machine guns in the exchange. The result was a stalemate, with neither side strong enough to eject their rivals from the rest of the city. If ever there was an argument for some form of European union, this was it. Instead, the rivals grimly held onto their little bit of African real estate.Therefore, by the end of the game the British held one half of the city, while on the opposite side of the river the Germans and French were left to contest the remainder of the ruins. The poor Italians – what was left of them – were still floundering around in the jungle, with barely enough akaris left to carry the commander’s Chianti. Points were duly awarded based on the number and type of enemy killed, and for buildings occupied. When these were totalled up the British emerged victorious, followed by the French and the Germans. The Italians brought up the rear.Despite the ludicrous scenario, the non-historic nature of the game and the fact that nobody emerged the clear winner, except on points, everyone had a great time. Like any Chris Peers rule set The Heart of Africa is bloodthirsty, fast, furious and above all great fun to play. It was also nice to get these figures out again, after spending so long languishing in their boxes.

Tags: In the Heart of Africa